In this blog post, I explore why we keep chasing and waiting for something even when we know we can’t get what we want in life.
I’ve had some reflections during my ordinary daily life. This summer vacation was a time when I could really think a lot. Nothing special happened, but I felt a lot within those ordinary days. I’ll write down some of the thoughts that come to mind.
During the vacation, my routine was taking one seasonal semester class and working part-time at an academy. During the holiday season, I also went to the beach. And while staying at home and resting, I met up with many friends. I even played soccer and basketball like I did in high school. Among my friends is one I’ve known since elementary school. Meeting him, we shared many stories about our lives. Whenever I talk with this friend, the song “Back Then” always comes to mind. As we reminisce about the past, we often say things like, “Yeah, that’s right, back then…”, ‘That’s how it was back then…’ because those kinds of phrases keep coming up. The lyrics of this song, which start with ‘We were so young, we didn’t know anything…’, feel just right to sing now.
Thinking about the past, it really seems like it was good to be young and not know anything. Because back then, whatever I did, I just did it first—without worrying or thinking about whether it would help me or not. Now, before doing anything, I worry about what might happen if I do it and weigh how important it is to me. That often leaves me stuck in thought. But before doing something, you can’t know what you’ll gain from it. So sometimes, I just did things simply because they came to mind.
People often say it’s wise to hesitate or make plans before starting something. I too had many experiences of rushing headlong into things as a child and failing, so now I tend to be cautious. But caution hasn’t always led to good results. Sometimes, within my plans, I missed opportunities to choose, and my will to achieve something faded. That’s why sometimes, simply thinking and acting spontaneously can lead to good outcomes. Ultimately, what matters in life is that when I try something, whether the outcome is as expected or not, it propels me forward.
Sometimes, just like the lyrics of the song, “Man, this world sure isn’t easy…” everything in life feels overwhelmingly difficult. At times like that, I usually meet up with friends, have a drink, forget the hardships, and start the next day afresh. One day, feeling inexplicably stifled, I sought out a friend. As usual, we drank and chatted about this and that. We laughed recalling past events and worried about what lay ahead. Just talking about all sorts of things, I started wondering if there wasn’t something we could do to escape our daily routines. That’s when I remembered a previous unplanned trip I’d taken with friends. We hadn’t decided where to go or what to do; we’d just agreed to meet at Tokyo Station. Once gathered, we bought the fastest train tickets to Osaka without a second thought. That trip to Osaka had its own unique thrill and fun. Thinking back, when I felt like escaping somewhere, I hadn’t agonized over whether to go or where to go. So this time, I decided that if a place came to mind, I wouldn’t think twice—I’d just go there.
As we were talking about this and that, a friend suggested we go fishing. I’m not sure why, but it felt like a good idea. Honestly, I was a little hesitant, but I decided to go with the original plan. My friend said he’d contact me the next day, so I went home and fell asleep. When I woke up the next day, sober, it felt like yesterday’s talk had been nothing more than drunken rambling. It felt less like I was going fishing and more like I’d been hooked like a fish myself. So I was letting go of any expectations when, thankfully, my friend contacted me. And that’s how we ended up going fishing.
It was a typical summer day, the sun blazing, but a breeze made it quite pleasant. Driving out of the city seemed to lift some of the heaviness in my heart. After about an hour’s drive, we arrived at a reservoir on the outskirts of Tokyo around lunchtime. We visited an old man who ran a fishing spot my friend knew about and got directions from him. We were to fish from a floating platform on the reservoir. We loaded our fishing rods and other gear onto a small boat and rowed out to the platform. We unloaded our gear and prepared to fish. Just as we finished setting up, the old man brought us lunch. We ate first, then started fishing. We had to bait the hook with worms and cast it to the right spot, but being first-timers, it didn’t come easily. With my friend’s help and several attempts, I finally managed to cast the rod reasonably well. Anyway, after casting the worms, we sat waiting for the fish to bite. Maybe because it was my first time, I felt extra greedy. I wanted to catch a fish quickly. After sitting like that for an hour or two, I got bored and even started thinking it was a waste to come here. Still, my friend said waiting that long was nothing, so I decided to empty my mind and just wait. As I sat there with a relaxed mindset, the scenery around me came into view. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but staring blankly at the open space felt soothing.
While chatting with my friend and waiting like that, suddenly the fishing rod shook. Without thinking, I grabbed the rod and found a fish had taken the worm. It was a small fish called a nuchi, but to me, it wasn’t just any little fish. It was the very first fish I had ever caught in my life.
That night, before falling asleep, I became lost in thought. The feeling of reeling in the fish with the rod was an emotion I was experiencing for the first time, yet somehow it didn’t feel like the first time. As I recalled that feeling, I wondered: What if we liken gaining something in life to catching a fish while fishing? When fishing, just because you sit with your rod set, wanting to catch a fish, doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily reel one in. Similarly, in life, just because I want something and strive to get it, doesn’t mean I’ll necessarily obtain it. Things don’t always go as we wish. Of course, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for anything. Whether it’s good grades, others’ recognition or affection, or money, it’s wise to pause and reflect before pursuing it. Sometimes, you simply can’t get it. You can’t always have everything you desire. And to gain something, effort is needed, along with patience.
Ever since that day when life was likened to fishing, I resolved to slow down the pace of my life. I realized that constantly chasing results and rushing through life was exhausting me. From now on, I vowed to approach everything with patience, enjoying the small achievements gained along the way. Just as the long wait before catching a fish isn’t meaningless, I decided never to forget that life’s little moments are precious too.
